Trauma bonding is a strong emotional attachment that develops between a person and someone who is harmful to them. It typically occurs in relationships characterized by a repeating cycle of abuse, intermittent positive reinforcement, and a power imbalance. The term was first introduced by Patrick Carnes and draws on research into Stockholm syndrome, coercive control, and attachment theory.

Common signs and symptoms of trauma bonding include:

• Defending or making excuses for the abuser's behavior, even when friends, family, or professionals express concern.
• Feeling unable to leave the relationship, despite recognizing that it is harmful. Attempts to leave are often followed by intense emotional distress and a compulsion to return.
• Experiencing a cycle of tension, harm, and reconciliation. After an episode of mistreatment, the harmful person may become exceptionally loving, apologetic, or generous, which reinforces the emotional bond.
• Self-blame. The person being harmed frequently believes they are responsible for triggering the other person's outbursts or abusive actions.
• Progressive isolation. Over time, the person may withdraw from friends, family, and other support networks, often at the abuser's encouragement or demand.
• Hypervigilance. Constantly monitoring the other person's mood or behavior in an effort to prevent conflict or harm.
• Erosion of self-worth. A gradual decline in self-esteem, personal identity, and confidence is common as the relationship continues.
• Intense emotional highs and lows. The intermittent nature of kindness and cruelty creates an addictive-like dynamic that is neurologically similar to patterns seen in substance dependence.

Trauma bonding can occur in romantic relationships, family relationships, friendships, workplaces, cults, hostage situations, and any context where a power imbalance and intermittent reinforcement are present. It affects people of all ages, genders, and backgrounds.

Trauma bonding is not formally classified as a standalone disorder in the DSM-5 or ICD-11, but it overlaps significantly with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), complex PTSD, adjustment disorders, and attachment-related difficulties. Clinicians typically assess for trauma bonding within the broader context of intimate partner violence, coercive control, and relational trauma.

Treatment for trauma bonding generally involves psychotherapy approaches that address both the traumatic experiences and the distorted attachment patterns that have formed. Evidence-based approaches include:

• Trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): Helps identify and restructure distorted beliefs about the self, the abuser, and the relationship.
• Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR): A structured therapy designed to process traumatic memories and reduce the emotional charge associated with them.
• Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT): Particularly useful for managing intense emotions, improving distress tolerance, and rebuilding interpersonal skills.
• Psychoeducation: Learning about the mechanics of trauma bonding, the cycle of abuse, and intermittent reinforcement can be profoundly validating and can help a person recognize that their reactions are normal responses to abnormal circumstances.

Safety planning is an important component of treatment, especially when the person is still in contact with the harmful individual. A therapist experienced in domestic violence and relational trauma can help develop a concrete plan for physical and emotional safety. Support groups, both in-person and online, can also play a valuable role in recovery by reducing feelings of isolation and shame.

If you recognize a pattern in which you repeatedly return to a relationship that causes you emotional, psychological, or physical harm, it is important to seek professional support. Trauma bonding can feel confusing because the attachment you feel is genuine, even though the relationship is damaging. A trained therapist can help you make sense of these contradictory feelings without judgment.

You should consider reaching out for help if you:

• Feel unable to leave a relationship you know is harmful
• Have lost contact with people who used to be important to you
• Spend significant time and energy trying to manage or predict another person's mood
• Blame yourself for another person's abusive actions
• Feel a sense of panic, emptiness, or withdrawal symptoms when separated from the person who harms you

If you are in immediate danger, contact your local emergency services or a domestic violence hotline. The following resources provide reliable information and support:

• American Psychological Association: Trauma
• NHS: Getting Help for Domestic Violence and Abuse
• National Institute of Mental Health: Coping With Traumatic Events